Outfit used
2006 Lunar Quasar 524 towed with 2006 - 2-litre TDCi Zetec Ford Galaxy.
Meet Liam. He's outgoing, fun loving and knows what he wants. Like a lot of blokes he often has
a problem expressing himself, and this can end in an outburst of frustration. He is also only three years old.
I took this energetic fellow and his mum, Stacie, to the South Devon coast for a holiday by the sea. Choosing the right site is important for a family. Having a good washblock, child play area and shop on site just makes life easier. There was no problem in finding
a child-friendly site. Devon is full of them, and most are of a very high quality. We were spoiled for choice.
We decided upon Hillhead Holiday Park,
a former Practical Caravan Top 100 winner. It was close to the car ferry at Kingswear, so we had excellent access to Dartmouth and beyond. It was also close to Torbay – family central of South Devon – and, in addition to a shop, restaurant and play area, it had that essential for many families, an outdoor pool.
As soon as we arrived, the helpful wardens offered us the key to one of the family bathrooms. Stacie was delighted as this would make getting Liam ready for bed much easier. When we looked into the bathroom,
I was tickled to see it had a tiny toilet, for Liam's use only.
After pitching up, Stacie and
I went and had something to eat and drink at the restaurant on site.
Next morning, we settled down to plan our week. The aim was to find the best-value attraction, one that would keep Liam the happiest for the longest and at the least cost. If there were an equation for measuring this, it would be 'cost' divided by 'hours of entertainment' equals 'value'. Our exploration of the area, optimistically known as the English Riviera, would involve thrills, spills, laughter and the occasional tear.
Our first port of call was, naturally, the beach. Goodrington Sands has been
a favourite with successive generations
of the bucket-and-spade brigade. This,
I thought, would provide some cheap, if not free, entertainment for young Liam. There is so much to do on a beach: you can build sandcastles, go swimming, explore rock pools, fly a kite, go swimming again, and so on, all at minimum expense. A
We parked at the small pay-and-display car park across from the beach. The ticket machine was out of order, which saved me a couple of quid to begin with and augured well, I thought, for a cheap day full of fun.
A small café on the seafront sold buckets and spades, so I invested in a set for Liam, thinking sandcastle building should keep him entertained for a couple of hours. I already had a kite and a shrimping net for when filling buckets with sand lost its appeal.
The sky was a perfect blue, a light breeze was blowing and gentle rollers lapped the shore. Things could not have been more perfect. We immediately went for a paddle. Liam couldn't wait to change into his bathers and got his clothes soaked. Still, he was having fun, and that's all that mattered.
I started to introduce Liam to the art of building castles. The sand at Goodrington is rather coarse and, as any expert sandcastle contractor will tell you, it's not the best for turning out of moulds. Nevertheless, we made some good castles. While Stacie changed Liam into his trunks, I thought I would impress him with my own construction skills. My grand design had a moat and glacis – a bank sloping down from a fort, for those not familiar with castle defence jargon. The construction
was superb. I marvelled at my own ingenuity, but my pride was short-lived. Liam ran and kicked the keep and everything else to bits, proving no fortress is indestructible.
With a three-year-old more interested in demolition than in building, a different distraction was needed: kite-flying. The breeze had picked up, creating ideal conditions for getting the dragon aloft. I constructed my small stunt kite, feeling a bit intimidated by the other wind worshippers on the beach whose kites were as large as parachutes. Thankfully, Liam was intrigued by the one I'd brought along. I launched it, but the wind was too strong for such a small kite and it soon came crashing to the ground.
By this time, Liam was getting cold and wanted to return to the car. I had to face it: although our trip to Goodrington Sands had cost pennies, the boy was after more sophisticated entertainment. I would
need to reach deeper into my pocket
and arrange some more action-packed child-friendly adventures.
The zoo seemed a good solution for immediate satisfaction. The South Devon coast has two zoos you can visit. Paignton Zoo hosts a collection of lions, tigers, apes and all the other wildlife you'd expect in a premier zoological garden. We had the chance to get up close with some animals: lemurs in particular. We crossed a rope bridge, which resembled the rope bridge on the I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! TV reality series. As we crossed, we came face to face with some strange furry creatures that resembled a cross between a cat and a monkey. I was standing on the bridge watching Liam take these small beasts in his stride, when I felt something brush against my arm. I gave a start and spun round to come face to face with a lemur. It was difficult to tell, looking into its bright yellow eyes, who was the more startled.
Paignton Zoo was one of my favourite attractions of the holiday. It was one of the best zoos I have visited. But I think Liam was too young to appreciate it all. Nevertheless, he loved playing on the assault course and the slide.
As well as having a good zoo, Paignton is renowned for being the 'family fun' capital of the area. It is a curious mix of old-world Victorian elegance and mass-market tourism. Big on candy floss, ice cream and coloured lights, the pier, completed in 1879, is packed with amusements designed to extract the last penny from your pocket. I mean this literally. Stacie and I had parted with nearly £20 while keeping Liam and, er, ourselves amused. We had fun on the dodgems, played arcade games and took our chances with fruit machines.
My favourite spot was the shooting gallery. You had to aim at targets around a mock-up of a log cabin full of hillbillies. My first shot hit home, but one of the hillbillies came to life and spat water in my face. The lad thought this very funny, but preferred the pirate ship, where you squirted water from a cannon. The pirates fought back by spraying water at you.
After more arcade fun, I was down to my last pennies, when I spotted a game costing 2p
a go. Six model motorbikes in different colours were lined up; I placed my high-rolling wager into the slot with the colour of the bike
I thought would win. The race started with
a jerk as the bikes were pulled along the track by wires. At one stage it looked as if I'd win some of my money back, but my motorised steed lost ground and fell behind.
We emerged penniless. But we had all had
a great time and it was educational. We had introduced Liam to the grand seaside tradition of piers, bad food and arcade games, after all.
After all that excitement sustenance was needed. A nice cream tea would do the trick, so we drove to Cockington village, where time seems to have stood still. It is full of thatched cottages that have barely changed over the centuries. You can still get around by horse and cart. Stacie, Liam and I hired one that took us up to the old manor house. Liam enjoyed the ride and was amused to see one of the horses eating Polo mints.
At Cockington Manor there was a playground. Liam made friends with the other children there, playing for a good long time, but then came the tricky bit of extricating him from the play area without a scene. Skilled parent that she is, Stacie had a trick up her sleeve. She went into the playground, went on a couple of the rides with Liam, each time moving closer to the exit. Before he knew it, he was outside and ready to go home. Nicely manoeuvred, Mum.
After a hard day traipsing around Cockington Village, Stacie and I thought we would make use of the great facilities at Hillhead. Liam loved the large play area. It had a wooden fort, so he could play king of the castle. There was even a wooden motorhome he could pretend to drive. I tried to persuade him that caravans were more practical than motorhomes, but such things as height restrictions and narrow lanes tend to be lost on a three-year-old.
Asking some of the locals about a place that would keep a three-year-old happy for at least half a day, I was directed to Woodlands Leisure Park, near Dartmouth. Set in 60 acres, this adventure park is targeted at younger children. As we set off from our caravan site,
I feared a serious assault on the wallet: theme parks are usually expensive.
We took the ferry across the River Dart to Dartmouth and drove a few miles outside the pretty town to Woodlands. I expected lots of noise, but as the name suggested, the park was set in the woods and this seemed to absorb the screams of excited children.
Entry was just less than £10 per person, or £37.20 for a family of four. I noticed the park had a caravan site attached to it, and was told that those staying at the site for two nights or more get free entry to the park for the duration of their stay, making it a very cheap attraction. We looked round the site while we were there. Standing above the park on a hill, we heard no noise from the revellers on the rides.
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